πππ β΄ πππππ ππ
ππππ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
calamitish) wrote2025-03-09 11:25 pm
calamitish) wrote2025-03-09 11:25 pm
calamitish) wrote2025-03-09 11:25 pm
no subject
I'm working with Sabo on that. I told him it would take a miracle, but Norna returning would be a greater miracle, so. And I told him I would do my best, and I'm contractually obliged to do that in this case.
[ he believes it.
he drops a few more kisses, hoping to disperse the rain. ]
no subject
The ember of that desire burns faintly, as Ish works love into his bones again. )
... Can I...
( He shouldn't be thinking about this sort of thing right now. He shouldn't, but.
He's the one who put it off, so serves him right that here, in the most final hour, he must ask about it, even though he's not in the best state, even though it hurts. If he hadn't tried to turn his gaze from what he himself had set in motion, he wouldn't even be in this position right now.
He feels so guilty right now, asking Ish to love him, when he has so much of himself that he resents. )
... Can I... make a deal...?
no subject
regardless of how he feels, first and foremost, he's a witch. ]
What would make a wish for? [ his hold tightens and another kiss follows. ]
no subject
He feels weak. Really weak. But for this, for his two loves, his family... From where his cheek rests against Ish's shoulder, he manages to press his lips lightly to his neck. )
... If Junior is chosen for execution, for punishment, for anything, following the trial... please let me take his place.
I can't... let him feel fear... let him suffer... just because I dragged him into my whims.
( How cruel it is to ask this to Ish, if all people. The faintest smile curls his lips, a little wry. )
... If you're working so hard to return the dead, I know I won't be gone for very long.
no subject
ish listens, and he's not surprised.
(...) ]
...alright. But in exchange, I'm going to follow my whims. [ my selfishness, my cruelty.
he doesn't ask hwylryn to confirm this is what he wants, because he knows. he seals their words with another kiss, fingers moving to slip the ring from hwylryn's finger. it vanishes in his hand, returned to water lily. ]
I don't ever want to control you, or shackle you. You're beautiful as you are, with your love as boundless as the sea and the sky, and everything in it. But I do want to protect you. [ and above everything else, ish sees this as a hurt ] .
And if you're mine then that is our truth, together.
no subject
It takes him a moment to recognize the price through the kiss, and another as they party, and it weighs heavy in his heart... He accepts this. This challenge he had taken upon himself was about choosing which of his darlings to kill, and... this is just that. Isn't it?
Yoru, Yoru, good bye. )
... I am. It is.
( He noses him again, lips pressing light - smearing light - against Ish's lips, somewhere between bestial and human. )
... It won't be easy. I won't make it easy, being as I am.
( His boundless heart that takes in all loves, no matter how much it may pollute or poison him. Perhaps this ring was like that, to Ish.
But... He nuzzles his cheek. )
... Maybe... the first thing we can do when we're free to just be us... is we can go flying, the way we naturally are. ( Dragon, and snake, ) We can take Junior, too... And we can disappear into the horizon.
And I hope... that will make you happy. That it will make you so, so happy, and... that you can feel free, too.
no subject
hes grown addicted to living in the moment in a different way from his usual. ]
You make me happy. [ so of course he will be, wherever they are, no matter what they're doing. it's a neverending cycle: ish doing something for hwylryn and him returning it twofold. two entities selfish in their giving.
with their entwined hands he traces nonsensical shapes, a mashup of the melody of his heart and his chaos. ]
...I'm better at flying like this, than as a snake. But you'll pull me along, right? [ a mischievous lilt for an answer they already know, along with a kiss that's more smile than lips. ]
no subject
( Struggling though he is, that slips from his lips as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Of course he would. Of course. Even if he feels like melting into sea foam; even if he wants to give up (ah, there it is - that's what he wants) (or, what the worst of his hurt wants, anyway). Despite all these things, he... would still beach himself on shore, if it means being with his love.
His gaze falls vaguely to their hands, as if they were mapping meaning for him. As if they could take them somewhere else, far away from here.
Ish spoils him so much. From each consistent kiss, to his kindness, to his gesture - doting on him while he barely wants to keep form. It really would be so easy to let go.
... )
... When Norna comes back... will you need to spend most of your time with her?
( He says "will you," as if it were a job that Ish knew the schedule of, but really he means - all things going well - Norna doesn't harm him, or die, and all persists as it should - all things return to the way they were - he means, do you want to? and if you have the chance, will you?
He knows Ish maybe hasn't thought this far. And he knows maybe he should just leave their discussions as they are - a happy ending. A they all lived happily ever after.
But grief seeks grief. He's trying so hard to envision this future where he's happy, and make it last for more than a few moments. He wants it to carry him through, especially when... Ish has to return to his work again, and won't be there to hold him and murmur to him like this. )
no subject
norna, oh norna, the love of his life, his everything.
hwylryn, his heart, his...future(?). he had promised as much and he wants as much, but it's here that he finally decides to actually look at what that means head-on.
he cannot give up either of them and he wonders: is he enough? he's never felt like he's enough, but the gift that hwylryn has given him that norna never could is the ability to feel like maybe he is.
instead of thinking about it any more, he makes the choice to just speak. isn't that what this has all been anyway? riding impulses down and down, into a spiral without an end. ]
I'm her only surviving attendant. [ first and foremost, always. ] But—
[ truthfully, this is the part he's really struggling with. if he was a betting man, he would not give himself good odds on surviving when she awakens. not because she's cruel, but because he knows her best, and he knows she would feel guilt. she would feel the need to correct that wrong, and that wrong is himself, so—
—he skips that part, because there's nothing anyone can do about it. that'll be between just the two of them. the way he squeezes their hands together betrays this fear only briefly. ]
—I don't think so. Actually...I think she might be happy for me. And she might make fun of me for falling in love with a dragon.
no subject
When he had told Ish just the day before he wouldn't let anyone else be this thing that Hwylryn is for him, he, of course, excluded Norna - because she's more. He gets that. Hwylryn may be a voice in duet, but that's how a grain of sand compares to shore. At least, that's how it is when he thinks of Gwawlyn, and he would grant Ish no less.
So, it's okay. He'd complained of Ish being busy here, but he'd been less busy than he would be, would likely enjoy being, with Norna. And he's glad he had this time with him here. He understands Ish has spoiled him.
He's not like Ish, who can think he'd be satisfied so long as the other looks his way every 70 years. But he can resign to it, because he's never been able to cease the love in his heart.
"I don't think so."
He doesn't expect this. And it startles him enough that he lifts his head - still weak, but even with his flagging heart, it had beat again - bright and alive and well - it had beat, at least once, when Ish had said the word love. )
Are you sure? Don't you want to be with her? You miss her so much...
( He seems bewildered; he seems happy; he seems flattered; he seems worried, for Ish - isn't this what he'd been working so hard for? To be with her again? Hwylryn is sure he isn't worth nothing - but a grain against the shore; a creek against the ocean - surely he isn't worth so much. )
no subject
I'm full of vices, but greed's never been one of my top ones. Maybe you could teach me, this time around?
[ this is greedy, he knows. his expression is bashful, asking this like hwylryn had asked him to teach him pool or cards. but looking at hwylryn in his arms, tear streaked and barely there—he can't leave him behind in any sense of the word. which should have been obvious to him before this, because you can't just cut your heart out can you? you can make the motions of it, tell yourself you have, proclaim it to the world, but it would still be a lie. ]
no subject
Well, of course he begins to tear up again. He's been moved before, but of all displays of devotion - not even to himself! but to other passions; other things; as had been Melissa's fixation on finding the ocean's end - this is one of the the greatest he had seen.
And the tears fall, but - not for bad reasons. Not at all.
Is it possible to like someone so much? No - perhaps the better question is: is it truly possible for him to be liked so much? )
... I'll teach you... anything you want.
( π₯Ίπ₯Ίπ₯Ίπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ή )
... I'll give you everything you want, for the rest of time, so...
( He trails off, eyes closing, content to be held in Ish's hands, content with Ish's bashful face; and for that blissful moment, he feels he is content with nothing more than Ish's devotion.
But.
But.
If they speak of greed, Hwylryn truly is a good teacher.
His eyes open again, half-lidded, hanging from his delicate eyelashes, his silver eyes so watery they're nearly lost in the whites. His heart's sea bleeds outward. )
... I just want to know more about you. The things that I... still don't know.
no subject
he knows instinctually that these tears are different, but it doesn't stop him from scooping them up with his lips. he can't help himself with an expression like that, but some other part of him might just be feeling a little possessive-these tears are for him, so he'll take them into himself where no one else can see them.
the smile hwylryn sees when he opens his eyes is incredibly fond, if still just a note shy. ]
Then I'll tell you everything, my heart. [ what a difference a little over a week makes. last time, he had pushed hwylryn away when he asked something like this. this time, he cradles him closer.
if ish loves hwylryn and norna both (and he does, he does, he just can't say it quite yet), then they both deserve to know all of him. norna can read him literally like an open book but with hwylryn they have to do things the old fashioned way. but that just gives them more excuses to spend the night into the mornings like this, doesn't it?
they'd find excuses anyway, hwylryn would probably say they don't need them actually, but to ish this feels like the beginning of something else new reserved only for them. greed will never be his primary vice, but as he said, he's learning. ]
no subject
But there hadn't been, yet. And he's come to wonder if there wouldn't be. If - and is this hopeful to assume? - Ish's love for him has no bottom, has no condition, like Hwylryn's love for him.
It's almost a little scary. He's never had that before. But now that he knows it, he's even more scared to let go. Who else would indulge him in excess, kiss his tears away, promise him everything they're able to offer? Who has there been but Ish?
... )
... Can I ask you about something that's hurt you?
( He doesn't say it outright, but what Ish alluded to at the trial - about what came after he'd been burned at the stake... it's been weighing on his mind. Ish might be able to guess.
Ish can still say no. He can still offer something else Hwylryn doesn't know instead. Maybe something that wouldn't hurt either of them, right now. )
no subject
[ he'd tell him anything anyway. one more kiss before he starts, belying that truth. ]
Hmmm... we never got around to that story I was supposed to tell you after the third carnival, did we? Did you want to hear that one?
no subject
( A vaguely affirmative sound. )
... I'm worried about it. But... the reason why I'm worried is why I'm afraid to ask.
( Speaking honestly - it's a double-edged sword, in a way. He refers to how Ish had reacted when he so much as recalled what happened. He felt so scared for Ish - upset, even without knowing why. )
no subject
You're my priority right now, so I won't get distracted. [ if a slight manic break could be called distracted. still, this much is true. he's much more worried about hwylryn and the feel of him in his arms is grounding. ]
So let's see...after Norna sealed herself away, everything was chaotic. They captured us and tried to burn us at the stake, but that wouldn't kill us. It did hurt and I'm still not overly fond of fire, but I wouldn't call that the "hurt" of this story.
When I got away, I ran into another Witch. She had a plan, a really stupid plan, to clear Norna's name. But it would require me changing her appearance from an old woman to a mirror image of Norna. Up until that point, I had only used my power to grant small wishes. Fixing a torn vest, cleaning up a stain that wouldn't come out. Something like that was way beyond my current capabilities.
But she wore me down and I didn't know what else I could do. Everything seemed awful. So I granted her wish. I mostly succeeded, but since the cost of that wish was so great, I fell into a deep sleep for three hundred years.
When I woke up, after all that time...things were worse. Norna was permanently sealed and the King who had betrayed her ruled over all the other kingdoms. Everything was irrevocably broken, and I had slept for three hundred years because I was dumb and naive.
[ he does laugh here, but it's low without much vigor. ]
That was the last time I trusted anyone, until I met a certain dragon...
no subject
He's been curled against Ish like a spoiled child, but here he has to shift - and he moves freely, knowing that even if he loses balance, Ish and his magic will catch him - and he pulls Ish into a hug, Ish's head at his chest, and he presses his cheek to Ish's hair. )
... I wish that'd never happened to you at all.
( He smiles a little bittersweetly, because Ish's story ended hopefully - generously, toward Hwylryn's presence. He wishes Ish had never had to suffer at all. But he's so happy he's met Ish, too, the way he is - contradictions, maybe. )
I wish I could've been there for you then.
( A nonsensical wish - one that falls apart in the mere premise - but sincere, and true.
And he presses forward with further greed: )
... I'm glad that witch is gone. ( He recalls Ish telling him of her fate. But— ) But I want to get rid of those humans, too. It might not change what happened, but I don't like that there's a kingdom founded on your pain. I don't want to allow that.
( Maybe revenge fixes nothing - maybe it heals no wounds. Hwylryn would know this much. But whether or not this revenge does good for Ish's heart...
In the same way he could not simply ignore Snow and White for killing Gwawlyn once they entered his field of view, there's no way he can simply allow things to proceed as they are, when the root of all this is Ish's hurt.
And when he learns of the king who started this conflict later, that his foolish proposal is what harried Norna so much into trying to resolve the conflict this man had triggered - he will only feel more ardently that the fruit borne of these seeds must be cut, and humans must learn to begin anew.
If not for Ish, then for himself. For his pride, as someone who adores Ish with all his heart and all his soul. He could not allow it. )
no subject
naturally he accommodates the shifting too, using the change in their positioning to run his fingers through tresses of silver. the motion has quickly become a comfort for him even in the short time they've been together.
his mood lightened, he manages to laugh lightly at the suggestion. not manic this time, but amused. ]
I was doing that before I started with this plan where I kidnapped you. But are you sure that's something you want to do? [ ish will only learn in the coming days just how vicious his sweetheart can be. destroying an entire kingdom usually isn't a date topic too. ]
no subject
( He presses a little kiss to the triangle of skin between where Ish's hair slicks back and his hair falls over his eye, full of frustration as much as it is love. )
The same way I swore I'd destroy the twins who killed Gwawlyn next time I saw them... How could I let this kingdom prosper when you've had to suffer all this time?
( He had been friends with the twins - or, at the very least, Gwawlyn had been fond of them. Hwylryn had some sentimental attachment that prevented him from wiping them out.
These humans, though, are strangers. Faceless villains profiting off Ish's pain.
He holds Ish so close, so protectively, it's almost as if he seems to feel he's protecting Ish from these enemies as they speak. )
Let me join you. Whoever needs to go— I'll make sure that they do.
( If Ish has a plan, he's happy to play along with it - if this is Ish's catharsis, he only wants to accent it; make it even better. )
no subject
Because I know loss can hurt you. [ that's why they're here like this today, isn't it? though he'll admit that he still doesn't understand how hwylryrn comes to love. ]
But if that's what you want to do, I'm not going to question you.
[ not since their conversation in the second week. of all the things ish knows about hwylryn it's that he's earnest. a particular brand of it, but still true and beautiful.
he presses a light kiss between their lips in emphasis. ]
no subject
( An easy answer - said breezily, though what he means is that he condemns them blindly to death. He knows where his own flaw lies; why he has suffered as he has, is suffering as he does, and will suffer in the days coming - it's knowing someone and finding things within them to treasure that does him in. )
Do you remember what Cain said about the people I beheaded?
( He pulls back here, just a little, to look to Ish with a soft gaze - full of adoration. His hands some around to caress Ish's cheek, his jaw... his neck, where it'd been nearly severed. )
I did that all for Balthazar. And I know they must have been people with stories - people I could have come to love. But I didn't want to. And... even if I came to know them, came to like them... I still want to choose you, before all of them.
( It's why he's decided to kill, and reap no benefit but the potential for growth (failing that - to simply collapse under his own grief, if he's not strong enough, not worthy enough, to survive). )
no subject
he doesn't have the words for that immediately but his cheeks warm into rosy apples, dimpled and happy. ]
...I think you're the one sweeping me off my feet now. [ it's supposed to be the opposite! ]
I don't know what to say, but... thank you. For saying these things, meaning them, and for making me feel like my heart will beat out of my chest.
no subject
( Hwyl kisses Ish twice - once on each dimple. Cute... cute....... )
For accepting my love.
( And, well, they both know how it isn't quite a given - to love and have that love received, and held dear, even without hope of being loved in return. )
So if your heart escapes you, I'll just have to catch it. Just like how you've held mine, even as it's felt like breaking.
( He's still mourning - and will be, for awhile yet. But even with his red-rimmed eyes, that he can feel in a way so raw and unfettered toward Ish, and be held by his love in return... it lifts his heart, even as it'd felt heavy and dead against the sea floor. It reminds him of how he'd safely bubbled Akira and Balthazar, and how he'd never expected - and had made peace with - never quite getting the same in return.
He really should be the one thanking Ish, but he does in his own way - in how he kisses him, spoils him, gazes at him; in how he can't stand all the moments without him. This world has been hard on his heart, but - he feels safe held here. And it's nice to know that maybe - if all goes well at the carnival - if all goes well wish Norna, and Ish - there might just be more and more years like this. )